About two weeks ago, I was in line at Kohl's. I was returning something at the back and it was a looooong line. I didn't mind though. I was in there by myself and was happily staring off into space. Yes, I was in a daze. Enjoying a quiet moment. Having a thought of my own probably. It had been a busy day. I'd, of course, been getting ready for Christmas. I think I'd wrapped presents locked in my room
all day long so........ my house was being "run" by a group of eight really wild people. A couple of them aren't really wild but I'll just lump them all together for the convenience and fun of aggravating a helper or two when they read this(heehee) They HATE being lumped. I was definitely NOT feeling like I had things all together. But for the moment, I could quietly project to strangers around me that I might have it all together---they didn't know my secret life now did they???? Anyway....back to the story. In the middle of my happy place daze a very "quiet ,and slow moving, I have all the time in the world to do things exactly right" kind of lady softly tapped me on the shoulder and was informing me of something that was stuck to my back. She even began to remove it from my back for me.(nice) Fear shot through me as visions of all the possible things that could be stuck to me came to mind: )
(One day I'll get up the nerve to blog about what one of my children dumped from my purse, in the middle of everyone, while all 8 of us sat in the crowded waiting area of a Great Clips. We didn't have Jessie yet and I think I was very pregnant with Max) OK, back to the lady in the line. She slowly handed me a piece of ..........
clear tape. I'm serious. And it was so small, I had to squint and really employ my fine motor skills to take it from her. I was very relieved and thanked her profusely for her help and pretended to be embarrassed that I'd have a piece of tiny tape on my back. It makes me giggle when I think about how crazy my life would seem to someone who would think I'd care that there was a piece of tape on the bottom corner of the back of my sweater. I'm really not examining this lady. She really was nice. Its just a reminder to me that what I'm doing is different. Sometimes I feel like I'm being judged by others' standards and it irritates me. It probably does happen, but probably not as often or as severely as I've made it in my mind. If my van is extremely messy sometimes, its because we have lots of little people who are still being trained to take care of their own things. I'm thankful for everyone of those little messers. I enjoy them. If someone shows up at my house and they are shocked by the mess, its because we are ALWAYS in the process of cleaning and maintaining. It is never perfect unless we are about to show it. Even then, it still might not be perfect. My prayer for myself is that
I can accept that others cannot help being surprised by us and not feel judged even if I am being judged. My prayer for me is that I can please God and my husband and care for my family the best I can and not even try to put up a facade for others. I think if I can do this, I can then be gracious towards people not just on the outside but on the inside too where it really matters to God.
I was asked last week to speak about organizing to our homeschool group. (heehee) I think someone had heard how quickly I will throw things away that cross my path and that was counted to me as organized. I just nicely replied that I only throw things away so quickly because I don't know how to organize and that its only a coping mechanism. Just be as simple as possible-that's the only advice I have and someone homeschooling one or two children really doesn't need to be as simple asI need to be. I jokingly said that as soon as they needed someone to speak about how losers can homeschool too to ask again.(heehee) That is way too self-deprecating and I don't really mean that. It was just a funny way to get out of embarrassing myself in front of a group of nice home schooling moms.
OK, I just realized I do have some advice. This is what I've been teaching my daughters lately about home skilledge. Don't be lazy. Keep moving. Always be praying that God will show you a better way to do things. Look around your area and think of a way to make it more appealing and functional.
Also, I'm loving,
absolutely loving reading through the whole bible in 90 days. As a matter of fact, I'm thinking of starting a new movement called reading thru the bible 4 times in 365 days. I'm wondering if it'll catch on.(heehee) Thanks to
this nice family for the encouragement.
